Kaulapi World

Coming up on the end of October and we’re looking at the first snow of the year, much earlier than usual.  The forecasts are calling for 1-3 inches in the area, with temps cold enough to have some sticking.  Wonder if the little guy is ready for the cold white stuff falling from the sky.  We just got him the first of his winter clothes, so the timing ended up being just about right.  The colder weather has made it a little trickier getting him out for walks and such, now that he’s up and running.

Meanwhile my work has been coping with the ongoing budget uncertainty and have begun outlining potential actions to make up for a budget shortfall.  We’ve gotten through yet another one hurdle relatively unscathed, a number of concessions in exchange for taking layoffs off the table, but I have a feeling that this trend will continue for the rest of FY 2012 and beyond.  Still keeping an eye on the super committee which is supposed to come up with that $1.2T in cuts before Thanksgiving.  Also technically things could shut down a week earlier based on the current CR.  There have been rumors about another 1 month CR in the works, but then that will just extend the guessing game a few weeks down the road.

All of this coming at a time where I’m enjoying the actual subject matter, day-to-day operations of my work.  Since my transfer to the new division a few years ago I’ve gotten a different perspective entirely.  In retrospect it makes me wonder why I hadn’t make the move earlier given my particular area of interest and developing skill sets.  With all the news of the crappy economy and job market, I can’t help but question whether law school was the best idea.  I’m working in an area and on projects that would be extremely interesting to former law students despite not being officially retained as an attorney.  I could’ve been in this position even if I had never gone to law school.  I’ll be paying for that decision literally for years to come.

Took a family day trip just out of town, to a nearby farm that let’s people come by and pick their own produce, whatever is in season at the time. We started off with yellow peaches, moved on to tomatoes, and blackberries before our bin was full, when we got back to the store to pay for things, we realized what a great deal it was. That explained the large crowd, interestingly the parking lot was fill of a lot dc and va plates, most of the visitors were actually Hispanic and Asian, I saw at least a handful of diplomatic plates and luxury cars.

Just as we were wrapping up, a huge storm cloud blew in, dropped a swimming pool worth of water on the crowd. It was refreshing, being outside getting caught in the rain, the little guy seemed both puzzled and amazed at the sight of all that water coming down at once, I realized that this was his first time experiencing a thunderstorm outside.  A few kids and adults took to running around in the rain, being that they were already soaked after getting caught out in the fields and it didn’t make a difference if they got more drenched. Something very simple and cleansing about the rain coming down, sudden and unexpected, but fully welcome.

Driving back I reflected a bit on how different the landscape and way of life seemed just a short drive from dc, and all of the crap that comes with the territory of living and working in the district. I had actually bookmarked on my phone a thread to the straw poll taking place in Iowa that day for the republican nomination, thinking that I might want to check in on it. ended up having so much fun picking fruits that I forgot I even had a smartphone at all.

Coming up on more milestones in life, need to remind myself to fully appreciate how great things have turned out so far, despite the usual and unusual setbacks that are more just another part of life. Some can’t really be considered setbacks of they open up to new opportunities in life just waiting around the corner.

I recently bought a mid-range, compact pc, or “net top” as I’ve seen some folks call it for a few hundred bucks. I originally intended it to be a transitional computer to eventually replace the aging 3 year old laptop, or to make it a multimedia station for the living room. So far its performed so well connected to my HDTV in the living room that I’ve decided to keep it there for the time being.

For me its been a totally new concept in utilization of technology similar to how the iPad has changed my view of using a computer at home. The wireless connection is fast enough to make streaming netflix, hulu, and youtube worthwhile, even the HD streams come through fine. I’ve been toggling between using the TV speakers via HDMI and the external speaker set with a subwoofer, for now I think I’ll stick with the HDMI to minimize the number of wires going out the back.

The biggest benefit has been the upgrade for teleworking, using the HDTV as a monitor has been a big improvement for my work, which involves working with multiple electronic documents and spreadsheets open at the same time. the HDTV serves as a large desktop over a VPN connection. Although I’m only committed for a few hours of telework per day, the new system actually makes it easier to get what I need done from home. I’d even go as far as to say that for certain projects I may be more productive in my living room now instead of at the office. A few days ago I was able to tune into streaming video feed on a conference i would’ve otherwise had to attend in person, and was able to continue working on a project at home while keeping an eye on the little guy.

It’s also been a big multiplier since we still don’t have cable. PCTV streams and other blunt options allow for some video streams of varied quality, but it still serves their purpose. Really at this point the only cable channel I really am interested in is ESPN, which I can get partial coverage online through my service provider. I continue to be impressed with the expansive service by netflix, wish I had been more gutsy in investing in their stock back in the 30s.

There have been many “first years” that I have had to reflect on in my short life, most of them have been tied to academic programs, first year of college, grad school, law school, and most recently, the first year life being a non-student. However, this recent first year as a father is probably the most significant by far both in terms of life changing perspective and new experiences.

Although it is cliche to say that time goes by fast when you’re busy, this year blitzed by coinciding with each milestone the little guy hopped over. Looking at pictures I remember when he was just a little baby home from the hospital, sleeping most of the time, immobile and more or less oblivious to the world around him. Now I’m literally chasing him around the house while he explores every little corner and every little thing he can get his hands on. Latest thing is that he’s started to do figure eights around me when I’m sitting down.

Personality and temperament are starting to show much more, he is an extrovert, likes to play and interact with people, even with new people he may be shy at first, but quickly warms up. He seems to prefer physical contact even if he is playing with something else, he’ll rest his foot on me, or lean against my leg. He seems very confident with his body, pushing/pulling things out of the way instead of going around them, or simply climbing over things head first. When he sees something he wants, he makes a beeline for it and isn’t afraid to voice an opinion about it. He also has a little rascal side to him, definitely not afraid to test the limits of his mom and dad.

The other most significant day to day change has got to be the work schedule that we’ve adopted in order to be able to take care of the little guy. I’m undeniably a morning person now, I find myself waking up close to 4am every day including the weekends. I’ve found that I am extremely efficient and productive in the early morning hours, and it has shown at work. Its worked out so well that even when we decide to transition off of this schedule, I may try to keep some of it in place.

Taking a little break from work, thought the moment was so random but memorable that it was worth an entry. The little guy has camped out under my chair while I’m logging into my work email from home. He has gotten especially mobile in the last month or so, crawling everywhere, and pulling himself up to stand on everything, chairs, tables, the bed frame, the couch, and his daddy’s shirt. He seems to enjoy picking up magazines and pieces of paper and holding them while he is lying on his back as if he is reading them. I take it he’s mimicking me since I seriously doubt he’s interested in the latest cost benefit analysis done by professors of public policy.

Its these little moments that I’ve come to appreciate the most about being a dad.

Been a little vague on the details in this journal on my current work schedule since we used up our maternity/paternity leave, but basically it boils down to me and Hana working out arrangements at our respective workplaces that allows one of us to be home to keep an eye on the little one during the day. For now I have the early morning shift which involves me catching the first train into the city, and committing to a few hours of telework in the afternoon. Hana works from home in the morning and then heads in and stays as late as her office needs her in the evenings. One of the tradeoffs has been that we don’t see each other much during the week, but I can’t even put a value on the chance to spend with the little guy.

Of course we also have both monetary benefit of opting out of daycare, but above all we’ve been appreciating the piece of mind of not having to send him off by himself for several hours a day. We’ve been very glad that our offices were willing to let us work something out, being able to do this has taken away some of the sting that has come with the pay freezes and ongoing furlough threat. It has been a grueling schedule, but so far so good.

Wanted to take a reflective look back at what I got out of the law school experience, roughly one year after taking the July bar, in no particular order:

Intensive academic study doesn’t intimidate me. Not like ever really did before, but after going through the gauntlet 8+ semesters and the bar exam, it really doesn’t now. I have a better sense of some of my own strengths and weaknesses when it comes to academic study.

I’m even less infatuated with the end product as opposed to the process. This is even with the final tuition bill, and unknown monetary payout of the degree.

In many ways I’m more articulate now in my opinions and viewpoints, this includes being more focused on what really matters to me and what is just fluff. I call this knowing better how to pick battles, so to speak some things aren’t really worth discussing.

More committed than ever to the goal of remaining objective to facts and arguments presented and not superficial points raised to distract and confuse. My shibai/BS detector is stronger than ever. Better able to read and dissect arguments and separate the wheat from the chaff.

I have a much better understanding of the U.S. Constitution and greater respect for the original foundational system of government was established and how it has developed over the years to account for a changing and growing society.

Have a much better respect for the rule of law and its purpose in maintaining civil society, and place an even greater value for civil liberties and concern for government policies and the social movements that erode them. See now both how extreme conservatism is too rigid to the fluid nature of humanity to change over time and reinforce corrupt power structures as well as see now the hypocrisy of extreme liberalism to reinterpret things to the extreme that it compromises core values.

More bi-partisan/non-partisan and independent minded than when I started. Not as likely to put institutions, individual persons or ideology on a pedestal. More respect to the countering viewpoint, especially when it is a minority opinion. More willing to genuinely consider alternate opinions, at the very least respect them enough to consider them before deciding that I don’t agree. Not as much of a bleeding heart as before, more focused on policies that empower rather than enable dependence on the state.

More of a realist than idealist now. Not out to save the world anymore as much as to try to make an incremental difference in areas I have control over. Part of this is that I am no longer as naive to the corruption and hypocrisy that exists in all systems and institutions. More aware of waste, fraud and abuse at all levels of government.

More than ever willing to question the status quo more while accepting that often times the world simply is what it is.

According to the National Association for Legal Professionals in a report on the 2009 placements for summer associates.  Of course a lot of people are buzzing about it, especially since there was somewhat of a debate just how bad the recent economic downturn would have on the 2009 graduating class.  One of the first signs that I came across that something was up were the rumors that several of my classmates who had secured offers from law firms had been deferred, and almost all of them were later had their offers rescinded outright. What was next was that they were left scrambling to find another legal job at first, and then eventually, any job.

In retrospect I was pretty naive to think that I would be in a good shape coming out of law school purely on the basis that I was never interested in the six-figure salary, private law firm job right out of law school.  Instead, I was pretty much set on a public interest position, either in a government agency or a non-profit.  I was willing to take a much lower pay provided that the work would be more personally fulfilling to me, and in the meantime I would get valuable legal experience.  I was more than willing to let my classmates and other graduates from higher ranked law schools compete for the coveted law firm jobs.  The more I heard about the insane hours and debilitating lifestyle of the big firm associate the more it affirmed my decision to say no thanks.

There was also this idea that I had a leg up on the game in a way that others didn’t, in occasional conversations with classmates I noticed that my previous legal experience provides additional context of the real world that put the theoretical aspects of law school more into perspective.  Maybe more of a sign of overstating personal ability or uniqueness, in my mind, the law degree would open doors for me in ways that it would not to others. After the first 2 years when the class ranks came out, I wasn’t totally discouraged, because in my mind because being the very top of the top, wasn’t necessary for my particular legal career path.

As it turns out, I was never on a safe track due to forces that are mostly beyond my control.  The last year has been an eye-opening experience reading and hearing about the horror stories of folks applying for work in a very tough job market to which attorneys have no advantage whatsoever.  A friend of mine recently applied for an entry level government attorney position at which 620 applicants were competing for 3 spots.  I ran into another friend that mentioned that there is a deferred associate working for her non-profit on some law firm’s dime.  In a cruel twist of fate, the other employees at the non-profit, many of whom are MPP/MPAs, have to compete with free labor.  Mr. Market is an influential fellow, we were foolish to ignore him all this time.

Because I’m an analytical dork, I’ll break down a rough cost-benefit analysis as well. As for cost factors, it’ll cost at least $800 to take it again, $250 for the refiling fee, about $100 for the laptop registration, and $450 for the hotel because it’s just far away enough that it would make it difficult to catch a train or pretty long drive in the morning. Plus the nature of the test being over 2 days doesn’t make it feasible to fight traffic in the morning. However if I did rent a car and drive, I could feasibly lower the costs to about $600, so the low estimate is there. When I do pass this puppy, I’ll have to fork over several hundred, or maybe $400 a year in annual dues to a be a member of the bar, and will likely have to fork over tuition for continuing legal educational classes all for the privilege of keeping my license current that I will most likely not use for at least a few more years. On the benefit side however, there is $0 benefit in that I do not have a legal job lined up right now, and none even in sight.

Even if I were to take it again, get licensed, and go and jump into the job market, my expected attorney salary based on my class rank and work experience would probably force me to take about a 50% pay cut from my current job, and would most likely put me in a much more shaky position as far as job security and benefits. After that, I don’t know what kind of advancement opportunities would be there for me, at least before the economy tanked, you could expect to work public interest for a few years and maybe go into practice by yourself, or maybe make a lateral jump to a firm or an agency. Now none of that seems certain. On the other hand if I stay in my current position, I would have the much higher salary, much more opportunities for advancement, to gain an expertise in a subject matter area, and to get some of these student loans paid over time.

All of the benefits at this point in time are non-monetary. first and foremost is the satisfaction of moving on from this point, a sort of legal purgatory between being a JD and a licensed JD. Also given the fact that I missed it by such a slim margins the first time, I’m confident that I could’ve passed had I lucked out on a more lenient grader on one essay out of 12, a luckier draw of questions, or guessing the right answer on 5 more multiple choice tests. There is also that foolish pride in me to say that I completed law school, in my mind taking and passing the bar was the very last thing to do in getting a law degree, although now I’m not as convinced that is the case anymore. I also have the prospect of my son coming into the world, maybe on my stubborn principle, I refuse to let studying for the bar take any more time away from him, especially not the 2-3 months of intensive preparation that the bar exam requires, especially in his young developmental years.

So what I am faced with is a choice that appears to be very expensive in both monetary ($800 up front, and $400+ every year after) and non-monetary (2-3 months of life, stress, not being with Hana and Jr. and overall unpleasantness) to achieve purely non-monetary benefits such as the relief of not having to take it again for a few years, foolish pride in saying that I’m licensed, and considering this economy, the theoretical benefit that the JD and license will help me some dream job out there.

That is the million dollar question on my mind since got my results early November. Been going through some serious soul searching, somber assessments of the job market prospects, and some baseline cost benefit analysis.

In my mind right now I plan take the bar again, although the question is when exactly, and in what jurisdiction?  If I narrow my job search to federal attorney positions, then any jurisdiction will do.  If moving back home is in the cards, then it would make the most sense to just focus on Hawaii sometime in the future.  From a pure test-taking strategy standpoint, I should retake the test in the same jurisdiction again since I’ve already been through at least one round.

There are at least three areas where I would be motivated to take it again sooner than later.  First is in order to use the degree to get a better paying or more fulfilling job, which was what was motivating me the back in July.  The second was more of a fall back position, that even if I couldn’t get a legal job right away, it would be an investment my future legal career, my reasoning is that I can’t even apply for anything until I’m licensed, so it would be better to get it down earlier than later. There is also the fact that my paperwork and character and fitness investigation are already in, I had to ask a number of personal and professional references to vouch for me, and I’d hat to see that all go to waste now.

As for the first motivation, that’s pretty much shot this time around.  Maybe ignorance is bliss, I had no idea how bad the legal job market was back in July, and how it has maybe gotten even worse since then.  I’ve been hearing stories about friends applying for paralegal positions only to find out that they are competing with a ton of licensed JDs, some with several years of litigation experience.  I also have heard of attorneys getting laid off after a year or less than a year, on top of that after being deferred.  What was once a fall back position for a lot of recent grads, government employment has now become almost impossible to get in.  One attorney I spoke recently said that federal jobs, especially federal attorney positions are becoming harder to get than those famous big law firm jobs that a lot of law students kill themselves for 3 years over.  With the way the economy is going my thoughts are that at the very least, it’ll have to get worse before it gets better.

More thoughts on my bar results, maybe it is the analyst in me, or the NT part of my temperament that has to dissect things to the core, but I can’t help myself.  A few more observations.  First of all, the perception of the test itself as a licensing test assigns a loaded view of competency of the lawyer who takes it when it could not be further from that.  As one of the professors that taught my bar prep course put it, “use the materials and methods you learn in this course to pass the bar, but if you use the same materials and methods to practice, you will be DIS-barred.”  **nervous laughter from the lecture hall of recently minted JDs** – at which point myself and I’m sure several others thought to themselves “then why the hell do we have to take this test?!!”  However anyone who hasn’t gone to law school (and unfortunately, some of those who took the bar and were fortunate enough to pass the first time without any hitches) doesn’t know this part.

Secondly, the subjective nature of the grading is suspect, which even in the guidance issued by the bar cites a holistic method of grading which is in turn curved with other applicants who took the exam. For applying an arbitrary pass/fail mark instead of a sliding scale tied to a reportable score, a holistic and subjective method of grading is definitely suspect.

Thirdly is the insistence to test on the nuances between federal and state laws, and obsolete english common law legal doctrine, much of which may never come up again in the attorney’s lifetime of practice.  I can’t even count how many times a professor in the bar exam prep course told us that we needed to know a certain law only for the bar exam and we could count on never having to ever think about it ever again.

All in all it really seems that the exam is more of a conformity test if anything, in saying this I mean a conformity of test taking methods which has little or no relevance to the actual practice of law since the majority of the substantive aspects can be researched at a later time when the issue comes up.  I don’t buy this whole “It tests what you learned in law school” because none of my law school exams were anything like this, and further, I know way too many practicing attorneys now that have passed the bar but after talking to them now, I’m pretty sure they would flunk this test if they had to take it again.

Don’t get me wrong, it is an extremely difficult test, probably the hardest test I’ve ever taken in my entire experience in the ivory tower, but what aggravates me is that the reasons why it is hard, and how utterly pointless it is to make it this difficult.  It’s not that the concepts in it of themselves are hard to understand intellectually, instead it really tests one’s ability to take tests.  In fact now that I’ve been through one round of the exam, I’m convinced that someone who never went to law school could possibly take a class and pass a bar exam, maybe by a thin margin, but still possible for someone who is just good at taking tests.  Instead what really makes it difficult is the format, the sheer volume of material that you are expected to regurgitate over 2 days, in addition to the pass/fall, all or nothing format with not references or tie-in to the actual practice of law.  In other words, it’s a complete waste of time in terms of substance, on the other hand it serves as a money making tool for the state licensing boards.

The harder question for me at this point is when am I going to do this thing again, and in what jurisdiction?  Given the depressing state of the legal job market, and with the responsibilities of providing for a baby on the way, I have just about no economic incentives to take it again.  I’m gainfully employed right now with no genuine concerns as far as job security (knock on wood).  Further, I’m actually making more than I would probably expect as an entry level attorney, at least from what I’ve seen is out there as far as job openings.  Also, the work/life balance at my current job can’t be beat, especially with the prospects of having a baby on the way, I’d like to spend as much time with him as possible, not working 60-80hours a week at the office.  Therefore it makes no sense to obligate myself to pay annual dues and pay tuition on continuing legal education credits for a license that I’m not using (well not officially)?  And the way that reciprocity of licenses is set up currently, even if I take this test again and pass, I would have to take the Hawaii bar exam anyway, if Hana, the baby and I decide to move back home some day.