Kaulapi World

Been a busy week for natural disasters, first the earthquake, and now a hurricane on its way in less than 72 hours or so.  Neither of these are very common in the DC area, I should feel more like we’re back at home.  Last time I was in the strike zone of a hurricane came while I was on Lanai a few years ago, thankfully it passed well south of us, but it was enough to make us cancel some of ocean activities planned. The time before that was Hurricane Iniki, which was headed straight for us at one point, bu then made a sharp turn towards Kauai at the last minute.

The best case scenario now sounds like we’ll get a ton of rain and wind, but nothing too serious.  the worst case scenario is that we get a direct hit, and then well that might be interesting.  Will need to do an inventory of supplies around the house and preparations in case the power goes out for an extended period of time. I remember getting ready for Iniki, when I was back at home, it seemed a lot like a camping trip, tying down loose things in the garage with a tarp, filling up the ice chests and lining up canned food, propane, and charcoal for the hibachi.

The naming of storms has an interesting twist on atlantic side, they tend to be names that are somewhat in use like Katrina, Rita, Dennis, Hugo, and Bob, while the pacific storms are more unique, Iniki, and Ewa.  I suppose it makes it a little more friendly sounding, but I have to think that it can also have a dangerous disarming affect as well.

Took a family day trip just out of town, to a nearby farm that let’s people come by and pick their own produce, whatever is in season at the time. We started off with yellow peaches, moved on to tomatoes, and blackberries before our bin was full, when we got back to the store to pay for things, we realized what a great deal it was. That explained the large crowd, interestingly the parking lot was fill of a lot dc and va plates, most of the visitors were actually Hispanic and Asian, I saw at least a handful of diplomatic plates and luxury cars.

Just as we were wrapping up, a huge storm cloud blew in, dropped a swimming pool worth of water on the crowd. It was refreshing, being outside getting caught in the rain, the little guy seemed both puzzled and amazed at the sight of all that water coming down at once, I realized that this was his first time experiencing a thunderstorm outside.  A few kids and adults took to running around in the rain, being that they were already soaked after getting caught out in the fields and it didn’t make a difference if they got more drenched. Something very simple and cleansing about the rain coming down, sudden and unexpected, but fully welcome.

Driving back I reflected a bit on how different the landscape and way of life seemed just a short drive from dc, and all of the crap that comes with the territory of living and working in the district. I had actually bookmarked on my phone a thread to the straw poll taking place in Iowa that day for the republican nomination, thinking that I might want to check in on it. ended up having so much fun picking fruits that I forgot I even had a smartphone at all.

Coming up on more milestones in life, need to remind myself to fully appreciate how great things have turned out so far, despite the usual and unusual setbacks that are more just another part of life. Some can’t really be considered setbacks of they open up to new opportunities in life just waiting around the corner.

There have been many “first years” that I have had to reflect on in my short life, most of them have been tied to academic programs, first year of college, grad school, law school, and most recently, the first year life being a non-student. However, this recent first year as a father is probably the most significant by far both in terms of life changing perspective and new experiences.

Although it is cliche to say that time goes by fast when you’re busy, this year blitzed by coinciding with each milestone the little guy hopped over. Looking at pictures I remember when he was just a little baby home from the hospital, sleeping most of the time, immobile and more or less oblivious to the world around him. Now I’m literally chasing him around the house while he explores every little corner and every little thing he can get his hands on. Latest thing is that he’s started to do figure eights around me when I’m sitting down.

Personality and temperament are starting to show much more, he is an extrovert, likes to play and interact with people, even with new people he may be shy at first, but quickly warms up. He seems to prefer physical contact even if he is playing with something else, he’ll rest his foot on me, or lean against my leg. He seems very confident with his body, pushing/pulling things out of the way instead of going around them, or simply climbing over things head first. When he sees something he wants, he makes a beeline for it and isn’t afraid to voice an opinion about it. He also has a little rascal side to him, definitely not afraid to test the limits of his mom and dad.

The other most significant day to day change has got to be the work schedule that we’ve adopted in order to be able to take care of the little guy. I’m undeniably a morning person now, I find myself waking up close to 4am every day including the weekends. I’ve found that I am extremely efficient and productive in the early morning hours, and it has shown at work. Its worked out so well that even when we decide to transition off of this schedule, I may try to keep some of it in place.

Taking a little break from work, thought the moment was so random but memorable that it was worth an entry. The little guy has camped out under my chair while I’m logging into my work email from home. He has gotten especially mobile in the last month or so, crawling everywhere, and pulling himself up to stand on everything, chairs, tables, the bed frame, the couch, and his daddy’s shirt. He seems to enjoy picking up magazines and pieces of paper and holding them while he is lying on his back as if he is reading them. I take it he’s mimicking me since I seriously doubt he’s interested in the latest cost benefit analysis done by professors of public policy.

Its these little moments that I’ve come to appreciate the most about being a dad.

Been a little vague on the details in this journal on my current work schedule since we used up our maternity/paternity leave, but basically it boils down to me and Hana working out arrangements at our respective workplaces that allows one of us to be home to keep an eye on the little one during the day. For now I have the early morning shift which involves me catching the first train into the city, and committing to a few hours of telework in the afternoon. Hana works from home in the morning and then heads in and stays as late as her office needs her in the evenings. One of the tradeoffs has been that we don’t see each other much during the week, but I can’t even put a value on the chance to spend with the little guy.

Of course we also have both monetary benefit of opting out of daycare, but above all we’ve been appreciating the piece of mind of not having to send him off by himself for several hours a day. We’ve been very glad that our offices were willing to let us work something out, being able to do this has taken away some of the sting that has come with the pay freezes and ongoing furlough threat. It has been a grueling schedule, but so far so good.

Wanted to take a reflective look back at what I got out of the law school experience, roughly one year after taking the July bar, in no particular order:

Intensive academic study doesn’t intimidate me. Not like ever really did before, but after going through the gauntlet 8+ semesters and the bar exam, it really doesn’t now. I have a better sense of some of my own strengths and weaknesses when it comes to academic study.

I’m even less infatuated with the end product as opposed to the process. This is even with the final tuition bill, and unknown monetary payout of the degree.

In many ways I’m more articulate now in my opinions and viewpoints, this includes being more focused on what really matters to me and what is just fluff. I call this knowing better how to pick battles, so to speak some things aren’t really worth discussing.

More committed than ever to the goal of remaining objective to facts and arguments presented and not superficial points raised to distract and confuse. My shibai/BS detector is stronger than ever. Better able to read and dissect arguments and separate the wheat from the chaff.

I have a much better understanding of the U.S. Constitution and greater respect for the original foundational system of government was established and how it has developed over the years to account for a changing and growing society.

Have a much better respect for the rule of law and its purpose in maintaining civil society, and place an even greater value for civil liberties and concern for government policies and the social movements that erode them. See now both how extreme conservatism is too rigid to the fluid nature of humanity to change over time and reinforce corrupt power structures as well as see now the hypocrisy of extreme liberalism to reinterpret things to the extreme that it compromises core values.

More bi-partisan/non-partisan and independent minded than when I started. Not as likely to put institutions, individual persons or ideology on a pedestal. More respect to the countering viewpoint, especially when it is a minority opinion. More willing to genuinely consider alternate opinions, at the very least respect them enough to consider them before deciding that I don’t agree. Not as much of a bleeding heart as before, more focused on policies that empower rather than enable dependence on the state.

More of a realist than idealist now. Not out to save the world anymore as much as to try to make an incremental difference in areas I have control over. Part of this is that I am no longer as naive to the corruption and hypocrisy that exists in all systems and institutions. More aware of waste, fraud and abuse at all levels of government.

More than ever willing to question the status quo more while accepting that often times the world simply is what it is.

Been definitely sleep deprived but happy overall. Maybe the “baby brain,” we’re both still adjusting to this new state of consciousness, the past few weeks have been a blur. Just got back to work a few weeks ago, Hana is off until Mid-September, and then I’ll be taking 1-2 months paternity leave until election day. After that we’ll start our split work schedule, which sounds like it’ll work in theory, but we’ll have to see how it turns out. There are a bunch of logistical things we need to work out that we hadn’t thought of earlier, setting up the computer for remote access, upgrading our wireless plan, or getting a landline installed, etc.

On the sleep and milestones, we’ve been getting somewhat conflicting input from our books, so we’re taking it under advisement as general guidelines on what to expect. I suppose every kid is on their own individual plan, either the little guy is slightly ahead of schedule or maybe just a mellow little dude. Whenever he is fussy we read up on the literature and then feel a little guilty about how little he is complaining compared to the scenarios illustrated in the books. He hasn’t sleep through the entire night yet, but has had long periods of consecutive peaceful sleep, 4 hours between feedings was the longest so far, which may be too long for his age since he gets up very hungry. I’ve been noticing that he is slowly getting into a daytime nap schedule, I guess what they say about the mid-morning nap is true.

He’s been making eye contact, smiling and frowning and making verbal noises since week 2 or so, I wrote it off as a reflex, now at 6 weeks there’s no doubt that he’s interacting socially. Like the few times he was able to sneak by the towel I was using while changing him and give me a hose down, he had a great big smile like it was the funniest thing ever! He’s also getting pretty strong, he grabs onto me now when I carry him, can hold his neck up for short periods of time, and is repositioning himself with his legs and arms when he sleeps on me. He’s also filling out well, doubled his weight and is getting longer. He has rolled over from his back to his tummy a few times, but its only in one direction, have to keep an eye on him in case he gets stuck.

My folks came up for a couple of weeks in June, spent a lot of time just hanging out around the house. They are already making plans for another visit in the fall, maybe Xmas time. They were actually thinking about visiting the Boston where my Dad went to medical school and my older brother was born, apparently they hadn’t been there since they left. It was interesting to hear the parallels for us having our first born in DC. Eventually we’d like to fly him home for a visit but we might wait until he is a little bit older for that.

Job market continues to pick at me. I’ve been constantly reminded of the new reality that apparently having a graduate degree is no longer a good indicator of job placement in this economy, the supply of jobs out there is totally out of sync with the demand for recent grads in all fields. Unfortunately in the current economy all of us are expendable and replaceable, fancy degrees and impressive work experience and resumes don’t matter anymore. Throw in the student loan burden due to these crazy tuition costs in recent years and I’m wondering if the jobs don’t start coming back we’re going to see a generation of folks tied to non-dis-chargeable debt.

One thing I’ve noticed about being a father now is that my attitude towards careers has changed a bit in terms of focus, about a year ago I was set on certain job paths, now I’m more open to alternate paths, really whatever it takes to provide for the family. We even discussed briefly whether it would make sense for me to work part-time, something that I wouldn’t have considered earlier, but now seems like an option to consider. For us going forward securing some kind of steady income and job security are major keys in this economy, so far I haven’t seen anything else that would compel me to make a jump from where I am now. It has been a sobering reality to talk to people with similar credentials that upon hearing where I currently work I find out that they have been begging to even get an interview for similar position, anything to just get a foot in the door. It’s tough times, that’s for sure.

Thinking about backdating this entry in part to memorialize a very busy and eventful November 2009.  As it turns out the end of 2009 presented another set of crossroads for sure.  I had figured there would be a handful, starting with a new division, enjoying my first fall in 4 years in a non-evening student capacity, getting my bar results, and some other normal life developments.

My transfer to my new division has worked out great so far.  Also have had an opportunity to compare and contrast with the old one, and based on comparisons on many levels, my new peers, work topics, middle and upper management philosophies, working styles.  I can say that it’s been almost like working at a new place entirely.  Although its only been a few months, I can say that I have no regrets in requesting the transfer earlier this year.  I’m working in a topic area that I think fits me better now, an area I had an interest in for a while, but never really got into it until law school.  Although I can’t point to direct evidence, I got a sense that my JD helped make a compelling argument for my transfer, which in a backhand way was something that I think was missing from my old division, an overall recognition of the value that my 4-year investment could bring to the job.

Being a normal joe, non-evening student has been a refreshing change of pace.  I’ve been able to catch up on a lot of netflix movies, come home at a decent hour, spend time with Hana, not worry about having to read for class, or even go to class anymore.  It’s also given me some time to read up on the changing nature of the profession that was going on while I was in school.  Some sobering facts about the relative value of my legal experience and others around the country and at different points of their careers.

Then there are my bar results, I missed the cut by a very thin margin, either by a handful of MBE questions, or one higher grade on a single essay question, I probably would’ve made it.  This would put me definitely within striking distance should I decide to fire up the books again but there have been a few game changers which actually put into question whether I’ll be back in study mode anytime soon, or will be better off just putting a hold on it.  Looking back on the experience I can say that I’m more irritated than disappointed by the outcome, it was pretty clear after about a week of bar prep that the exam was just another example of like a lot of other things in the legal profession, another round of intellectual hazing, although this one is clearly more of a test taking performance test than a legal competency test.

The reasons to put retaking the bar on hold seem to be mounting lately, there is the deteriorating economy in general, and the trade-offs between being fully employed in a non-legal capacity, with decent salary and benefits, sane work hours, and several years of consecutive work experience.  There is also the reality that the legal profession may be undergoing massive structural changes right now that have put a lot of well credentialed and experienced attorneys in the job market.  But the main thing on my mind is that we learned recently that there will be a little one coming in 2010.  At least for now I’m ok with putting that first in priority above all else.  The law can definitely wait.

Geocities shut down last week, this was my last post on the kaulapi site:

Probably the last post on this site before Geocities goes poof. I’m just about moved over to the mirror site, although I’m kind of wondering what kind of format this journal should take on from here on. Since I’ve wrapped up school and the bar exam I’ve been keeping pretty busy just enjoying the change of pace. I started my new division at work a few weeks ago, and have been wrapping up my last assignment to make for a smooth transition.

Bar results should be coming out shortly, but with the job market the way it has been, I’m relatively calm as my current job situation will not be changing anytime soon, pass or fail. I’d like to pass the first time and get it over with but I’m fortunate in my situation that there is about zero pressure. Stepping away from the study of law has given me a moment to reflect and reaffirm some of the fatal flaws of our legal education system, which I think can be summed up as 3-4 year long intellectual pissing match between very competitive and bright personality types.

All in all I’m just enjoying life, amazed at just how quickly chapters close, others open. More on this later on the other side. It’s been an interesting decade years on this geocities site. Hopefully be many more.

It’s September and its been a nice change of pace not being a student. No case books to read, no late night lectures to attend. It seems like I’ve been in the student mindset for ages now, at least 23+ years now, not counting pre-school. I suppose it was a long journey, from time to time I glance at the freshly framed diploma I have leaning against the wall, being that I’m not sure yet where exactly to hang it up. I need to figure out how the shelves and other furniture in the room line up first.

So in the meantime I’ve been just going to work, coming home, catching up on some netflix movies, cooking, being domestic, and cleaning up a few hefty piles of paper that I’ve collected over the years. Been coming up with some random finds and notes from my grad school years and before. I seem to be a true packrat when it comes to notes and other thoughts put down on paper.

Some interesting and vivid dreams lately. One a few nights ago, in my dream I was talking to a senior congressman at a fundraiser in a large reception ballroom. The conversation itself was very trivial at first, covering various small things, random thoughts here and there. There are a number of people milling about, socializing, networking what not, the occasional politico would stop by and say high, name drop and ass the member’s ass. I recall being somewhat interested in the conversation, but for the most part I was a little bored. Suddenly the member decisively turns to me, announces that he is about to address the crowd that had gathered in his honor, and asks me what I think he should say to them. Caught a little off guard at first, I pause a moment and then tell him that he could talk about his usual promises and commitments he is setting to the people for the new election year, the programs, the federal money that he is bringing his home state. Then I mention briefly that he could talk also talk about the oath of public office that he took many years ago to uphold the U.S. Constitution, to defend and protect it against all enemies foreign and domestic. The old man nods in silent agreement and then speaks aloud with a booming voice. The crowd is suddenly silent, and all eyes are focused on him, listening attentively. I slowly step backwards into the crowd and listen to his speech.

Pretty quiet for August, still recouping from the mini-marathon that is the July bar exam. Plus I’ve been pretty busy with work. More developments, some good, some just so-so. Meanwhile this past weekend I went up to Wilmington and the Brandywine Valley, saw some gardens, and another part of the country. Drove down the Delaware shore to Rehobeth and Bethany Beach, ate some mean Blue Crabs and Fried Chicken. Burned through several hundred miles of country side.