Kaulapi World

Odd and vivid dream, this time I’ve had several versions of it before realizing that it was a recurring one.   I’m in the attic of a large cathedral or temple, trying to get to an enormous chandelier fixture attached to the roof of the large hall, several 100 feet above the ground.  The fixture is so large that I can climb down it without it moving very much.  I reach the edge of the fixture easily, and then make my way to the underbelly where there is a short ledge that I can look at the rest of the temple below.  It is hard to get there, but I do it, slowly making progress. It isn’t clear why I’m trying to get there in the first place.  For the most part I’m mostly focused on getting there first.

Once I get to the ledge, there is a moment of panic that I’m stuck on the fixture, as I can’t go back the way I’ve come down.  The height of the hall suddenly becomes apparent to me, I glance up at the numerous cables attaching the fixture to the ceiling, and then have horrible images in my head about cables breaking and the whole thing crashing down to the floor.

This is where it gets weird, or at least more significant in my mind.  Suddenly I realize I am not alone, I’ve brought Hana and the little guy on the ledge and suddenly the urgency of finding a way back off the ledge becomes more dire.  We can’t stay here forever.  I close my eyes and envision the cables extending, lowering the fixture safely to the floor.  I also try to will the floor up just enough for us to step off it, and after several tries it actually moves almost to the point that it works.  Stuck again, I realize reading a manuscript that detailed the fixture has several rooms like a house, and the way to get back up is to go through the fixture, not around it the way I had originally climbed down it.

Lucid dream a few nights ago.  The first part of it is fuzzy, but the main part was very clear in my mind.  I had witnessed a conflict that had been brewing for several years now, and I decided I should just go back in time and see what the origins of the conflict were in the first place, about the time I was born.  Interestingly in the dream I was much older, to the point that I was probably unrecognizable to anyone who knew me back then.

So I end up back home, driving along the road, looking at how the island looked many years ago.  Eventually I decide that I would stick around in that time period.  Why not.  Introduce myself to my parents as a long lost relative, to keep an eye on the little guy, from a distance of course.

Interesting side observation of the dream was as I was driving on the road, an open air tour bus passed me by that was decorated in over the top fashion that it was something out of a tiki catalog rather than something authentically Hawaiian.  It had pili grass trimmings stapled to the sides, and it was blaring out of tune slack key guitar.  An old lady was driving it slowly, and it was completely empty.

For the longest time that I can remember, I’ve always had very lucid dreams. Lucid meaning that the dreams are so real that I sometimes have trouble telling whether it is a dream or real life. I also dream a lot, even when I’m on a shorter sleep schedule of 3-4 hours. I’ve had 15 minute naps that have gone on for hours and days in the dream state, when I wake up I mentally scramble to find out what day it is.

For several years now I’ve kept a fragmented dream log of sorts, some of which has made it on this online journal, with certain cryptic additions of course. Sometimes I write something down more out of the necessity of recording it before it slips into the subconscious again. For some reason I just recalled tonight a recurring theme that comes up in many dreams, so often that I have used it as an indicator or reminder that I am in fact dreaming.

One observation that I recently recalled is that I seem to have a hard time controlling my handwriting in my dreams. Usually the context is coming across someone interesting, either a complete stranger, or a long lost friend or family member, and in parting we try to exchange contact information. I have a hell of a time writing down a simple email address or phone number no matter how hard I try. Likewise, I seem to have trouble locating a current business card that I usually keep in my wallet. A few dreams I have come across old cards with incorrect information, or interestingly, other people’s cards that I have collected over the years.

Another theme that comes up occasionally is finding money, bills, coins, checks, especially counterfeit currency of odd denominations. The quality of the bills varies greatly in different dreams, some look a lot like US currency with number changed, others are just pieces of paper with someone’s note on it and a promise to pay the bearer of the note at a latter date. The value of the notes vary, but $12 and $14 come to mind in a dream I had a long time ago. I recall knowing that something is wrong with the bill, but it is not as obvious to other people I encounter in the dream. My mood in these dreams ranges from bewilderment that I am holding counterfeit currency to elation that I may be holding a rare piece of US history.

I suppose these observations within the dream state is like a dream itself – cryptic, symbolic, and ridden with hidden meaning.

A number of vivid recurring dreams to make note of involving trains and train stations. The significance of trains can be a number of things or so I understand. To me personally these dreams suggest a number of things going on in my mind lately.

One dream I am walking alone down a snowy city street towards a train station located at a specific intersection. I’m headed someplace with a sense of urgency, but mostly because I’ve made this trip several times before in the same dream, everything seems to come back to this station. Because its snowing, I figure its on the east coast someplace. What also sticks out is the station itself, it’s above ground, with the trains entering and departing coming in out of a side tunnel on heavy rails before going underground again. I am the only one headed to the station, possibly because its so late at night, or maybe because nobody else is headed in direction that I am. That being said, the fact that the train station even exists means that others have been down this path just as I am about to, just not too many right now. This dream in particular was so vivid that when I woke up I researched the intersection and street name in a number of major large US cities and was amazed that it actually exists.

The second one is vaguer, I am on a crowded platform waiting for a train going back in the direction that I once came from, the train operator either overshot the station, or was diverted due to some track work. I am pretty irritated at the prospect of having to backtrack, but try to keep a good attitude about it while I wait with numerous other passengers fuming on the platform. When the train finally comes I notice its a older model, like something out of the 1950s streetcar varieties, I board the train a little distracted with the nostalgia of the appearances, and grab a seat. As we go along our way, the train engine dies and we are stranded on the tracks. Frustrated, I and the other passengers look out on the train tracks as the other modern cars zoom by, the other passengers rubbernecking at us poor saps.

The third dream I am in a packed crowded train station where the station managers have set up hundreds of registration tables everywhere, checking names and ID numbers. The table are everywhere, in the station, by the ticket counters, even on the platform itself, blocking access to the very train that I notice hasn’t even arrived in the station yet. When it is my turn to talk to the station manager I realize that my name doesn’t come up in the database at first, while secretly I am glad because I am not in any rush to catch this train, I wouldn’t mind waiting until the next one comes that is less crowded. Besides, I haven’t had time to pack for this trip yet. Right before I decide to walk away and let the next person in line come up, the station manager finds my name and copy of my driver’s license which he shows me. The picture was so dated I smile at sight of seeing an old familiar face from many years ago, smiling back at me. I end up walking away from the station, knowing that I can catch this train later if I still want to one day.

Recurring dream that keeps popping up every once in a while.  I’m back in grad school, but a different grad school, I’m assuming it’s out here in DC.  I am coming up on my final semester of the degree program, which seems to be a policy or economics type program, although I’m not sure.  I sense that I’ve been struggling a bit with finishing up the semester, I feel a bit distracted during the lectures and am more or less just going through the motions, just ready to be done already.

In one of my classes most of my attention is drawn to the fact that I don’t know what class I have next on my schedule, I spent a good deal of time cleaning out my backpack looking for a single piece of paper which has the course schedule, all the while I notice that there is a lot of non-school related junk in my bag.  When I finally find the paper copy of the schedule, I have an “aha” moment which is the most significant detail of the dream.  there is a class that is held on Wednesday afternoon that I have not been able to make all semester because of work.  I recall in a previous dream that I did in fact attend the class a few times before, but from listening to the professor and looking at the syllabus, I decided that it was mostly a review course, and I was not too worried about it.  Still, being mid semester I come the realization that I may be further behind than I had thought.

I go to the office hours to meet with the professor and express some of my concerns, I’m thinking that I’ll just lay it out to him that I’ve been keeping up, but have missed some class sue to outside commitments, however I am committed to finishing strong, but I would welcome any advice he might have to assist me in doing so.  When I get to the office, in front of me is another student apparently in a similar situation as I am, talking to the professor about missing classes, although it is not nearly as clear exactly why he has fallen behind.  The student then asks for an incomplete, permission to drop the class, or an extension to study for the final.

The professor is very curt with him, tells him that there is no excuse for his behavior, and that since we have past the drop deadline, he will just have to suck it up.  He does not sound interested at all in accommodating this student in any way, from the sound of his voice, he is insulted.  As I’m listening I realize quickly that this professor is not going to give me any constructive advice, even if I come in with a better attitude, even if I’m not asking for any special treatment.  At the very least, talking to dipshit in front of me asking for special favors will affect my later conversation, I decide that it might be better just to walk away.  The dream ends as the student in front of me walks by me, I recognize him as a younger version of this asshole professor I once had as an undergrad.

Vivid and slightly strange dreams lately.  In a recent one I’m climbing along side of a mountain, right by the tree line and come across a large angled clearing with several enormous tree stumps. For the moment I realize that they are giant oak trees that had grown in the side of the mountain. The oak trees are so huge that they could easily fit 2 people lying down across the truck width.  Everywhere among the stumps are giant mushrooms growing, in various varieties, some that look like edible types, like shitake, matsutake, and others that I could not recognize.  I remember being amazed at the size of the trees, and the sheer number of cut trees and mushrooms everywhere.

Almost out of no where a middle aged woman in professional attire comes walking briskly down side of the mountain, passing by me with a sense of urgency, and says in passing something about eating a mushroom thinking it was a exotic red lobster mushroom, and now needing to seek medical attention in the village down the mountain.  She was coming from a higher part of the mushroom grove from where I was standing.  Somewhat startled by running into another human being in the wilderness, especially in a business suit and heels, I think to myself that what the woman did by eating a wild mushroom was pretty stupid and downright dangerous and that the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind, realizing that while I know a little about the appearance of mushrooms from the grocery store or from biology classes, I’m nothing close to an expert yet on foraging them in the wild yet.

In the dream I remember thinking to myself that if I was intent on picking mushrooms here, I would be much more likely to gather a few mushrooms to take with me, consult a scientific expert before eating them myself, or even better yet, find an experienced mushroom merchant who would be willing to buy them from me.  I’m not sure exactly how this dream ended, but I think it after enjoying the scenery I made my way back down the mountain along the path that I came.

It’s September and its been a nice change of pace not being a student. No case books to read, no late night lectures to attend. It seems like I’ve been in the student mindset for ages now, at least 23+ years now, not counting pre-school. I suppose it was a long journey, from time to time I glance at the freshly framed diploma I have leaning against the wall, being that I’m not sure yet where exactly to hang it up. I need to figure out how the shelves and other furniture in the room line up first.

So in the meantime I’ve been just going to work, coming home, catching up on some netflix movies, cooking, being domestic, and cleaning up a few hefty piles of paper that I’ve collected over the years. Been coming up with some random finds and notes from my grad school years and before. I seem to be a true packrat when it comes to notes and other thoughts put down on paper.

Some interesting and vivid dreams lately. One a few nights ago, in my dream I was talking to a senior congressman at a fundraiser in a large reception ballroom. The conversation itself was very trivial at first, covering various small things, random thoughts here and there. There are a number of people milling about, socializing, networking what not, the occasional politico would stop by and say high, name drop and ass the member’s ass. I recall being somewhat interested in the conversation, but for the most part I was a little bored. Suddenly the member decisively turns to me, announces that he is about to address the crowd that had gathered in his honor, and asks me what I think he should say to them. Caught a little off guard at first, I pause a moment and then tell him that he could talk about his usual promises and commitments he is setting to the people for the new election year, the programs, the federal money that he is bringing his home state. Then I mention briefly that he could talk also talk about the oath of public office that he took many years ago to uphold the U.S. Constitution, to defend and protect it against all enemies foreign and domestic. The old man nods in silent agreement and then speaks aloud with a booming voice. The crowd is suddenly silent, and all eyes are focused on him, listening attentively. I slowly step backwards into the crowd and listen to his speech.

Vivid dreams lately. Going to an ancient temple, and was passing through an enormous stone courtyard full of religious statues and gardens. Along the way saw a lot of old friends from way back, some of whom I haven’t seen in years, all sort of hanging out in the courtyard. I recognized a lot of old wrestling buddies, some sparring in a stone lined ring practicing grappling or sumo, others just hanging out with other friends. Didn’t have time to stop and talk, but promised myself that I would stop by and catch up with them on my way back.

I think vivid nature of these dreams have bad something to do with the fact that I’ve been bogged down in bar prep, lots going on on many fronts. Cut down my work hours to about half time, allowing me more time to study and get back into somewhat of a regular work out schedule.

Still stuck in the middle of my finals month, week 2 of 4, I’d like to say. Drawing from past semesters I thought I’d use this journal as a source of taking mental breaks from here and there. We’ll see how far this goes from here on out – and how often I’ll actually do it.

Another part of the dream I was calmly walking in an crescent shaped atrium with large glass windows worried that my cover had been blown, I knew I was being pursued by a young military officer. He was tailing close that I figured he probably knew something was up. As I turned around the bend I jumped maybe 60 feet in the air and wedged myself between the archways on the ceiling and the glass panel. When he passed I descended down only to see him reaching for his sidearm. What happens next was a little fuzzy, but I overpowered him with a jiu-jitsu arm lock and ran off with his weapon. I’m not sure if this part of the dream precluded the dinner meeting or came after.

The markets have been in turmoil this week, the two biggest drops in the DOW since 9-11 for the most part coinciding with massive, unprecedented bailouts of major investment banks and companies tied to mortgages and other debt securities. You know its bad when you can hear the water cooler talk, especially the older co-workers talk about huge losses on the year to their retirement accounts. There is a somber, anomic mood overall, a sort of helplessness, much like there is nothing that can be done. The younger folks on the other hand, so far have been largely silent, maybe due to the confidence that they all have many years ahead to make up for the losses. Maybe because many of us don’t have much of a stake in the market yet, or another possibility is that much like the rest of the country right now, we have no assets at all and are drowning in debt.

Been having a a recurring dream lately about riding a train, I’m headed either to or from work. Sometimes the train is crowded, other times there is an old friend, often its someone that I was once close with but lost touch over the years. The one recurring detail however has been that I overshoot my destination and get off onto the platform and have to double back and wait for the train going in the opposite direction. The most recent one I run into a friend on the platform who convinces me to go to a nearby izakaya instead of heading to my original destination. It’s a refreshing change of pace, whenI realize that despite passing through the station on the train many times before, I’ve never actually stopped to get off and look around. The izakaya itself is located on the side of a busy street, inside a sort of shopping arcade near the station. When we get there my friend starts talking to the waitress in Japanese, and despite my limited proficiency, for some reason I am able to understand almost all of it. The dream ends there after we’ve placed our order.