1 2 . 2 2 . 0 6
At the end of one of the most stressful weeks I’ve ever weathered, and the sick thing I’m still not quite in the clear yet. Had to crunch out a number of memorandum and various paperwork to close out the semester, I knew that it would take a lot of time, but really could not have planned for it any better with finals and some important tasks at work coming up right before the holidays. I’s a few days to Xmas and I’m still in a heightened state of stress. I can feel the adrenaline still pumping through me everyday I wake up. I keep telling myself that I’m almost pau, but I groan as each day goes by and I realize again that I’m not quite done yet.
Reflecting a bit back on the past year, its amazing how fast 2006 went by. I have to say that in many ways I was in a happier place a year ago, for a variety of reasons, none too specific. Life goes on, we all make choices and have to live with them. I’m just hoping that all this stress, blood and sweat are going to pay off in the end. Actually I’m sure it all will, I’m just tired of constantly testing my will to live another day.
Relatively, Hana tells me that if I’m really that stressed, I don’t really show it. That is, aside from the occasional bitching and grumbling about all the crap I have to do before M,T,W,R,F, etc. I think I’ve always had a high tolerance for stress in general, but really even I have my limits. I probably need to sleep more, but I’m not that tired. I could probably lay off the coffee for a couple of weeks, but I’ve gotten kind of used to it. Next thing we know it I’ll be starting up the Spring semester again. I need to spend more time talking to her when she’s awake. We have different circadian schedules, I’m up all night studying while she’s dreaming of tulips and tahitian beaches.
Had a strange dream about a week ago about an old friend whom I’ve since lost touch with and I don’t talk to anymore. She had since moved on with her life and I had a sense of calm that she was doing ok. I remember telling her many years ago that our paths would be changing course drastically to the point that we might not have anything in common again, or even to randomly talk about. That is in the sense that I don’t know what kind of friendship we would’ve had with me and this lifestyle I’ve been living lately, I spend way too much time at work or at school, or at some dark coffee shop my nose buried in a case book and while she seemed much like more of a free spirit blowing in the wind.
Another random observation I’ve had lately is how when I’m introduced to women by friends and co-workers they are very quick to mention that they have a boyfriend or husband. On the train home the other night after talking about a totally different topic, eventually I ended up hearing about somebody’s husband’s work. Common courtesy I suppose, not like I really give a rats ass, but thats probably the last thing I’ve been thinking about for a variety of reasons.